


Milk Me Like One of Your Swiss Cows

by shadhahvar



Series: Yuri!!! On Crackfic [6]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bad Puns, Good puns, M/M, Mediocre puns, Puns Incoming, Viktor dresses up like a cow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-15
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2019-05-07 04:35:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14663421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadhahvar/pseuds/shadhahvar
Summary: Viktor Nikiforov sometimes has some unusual ideas about seducing Yuuri Katsuki, but this has to be one of the most bizarre yet.





	Milk Me Like One of Your Swiss Cows

**Author's Note:**

  * For [argyros (argentumluna)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/argentumluna/gifts).



> I lovingly blame Luna! Check out why over [here on Tumblr](http://argyros.tumblr.com/post/171708933617/milk-me-like-one-of-your-swiss-cows-blame), which predates the taco cow Viktor artwork and story also here in my AO3 works.

Yuuri slid the barn door open, feeling a light, lingering buzz from his drink with dinner. He’d been concerned when Viktor had wandered off, trailing fingers against the back of Yuuri’s neck and murmuring for him to come find him later. Yuuri wanted to protest he wasn’t any good at finding games, but he knew he’d look the world over for Viktor if he had to, and they were only on the one farm. How far could Viktor go?

Apparently much further than he’d imagined. Yuuri was almost worried by the time Chris tapped his shoulder and send him off toward the barn, making some obscure comment about cowboys. It was such a strangely Western American thing in his mind he hadn’t been able to shake the confused furrow of his brow the whole way over. 

The lights were on, casting a warm glow over the hay piled against most of one wall of the barn. No animals were kept in here, though cats came through and took care of the rodent population, so he was caught off guard at movement from over on the hay. Yuuri blinked as platinum blond hair looking almost silver and woven through with stray strands of straw filled his field of vision, Viktor looking his way from where he lounged on the hay. Viktor shivered, skin pebbled with goosebumps, twin horns jutting out of the crown of his head to prettily tapered ends. Two cute, generous black spotted ears with a soft velvet-pink center flopped to either side of Viktor’s face, a rope-like tail tufted in white draped over one bare, sculpted thigh. He was barely kept decent by the milk pail placed in front of the apex of his thighs. As he shifted, a bell rang in the quiet, the clear pealing accompanied by the happy smile lifting Viktor’s lips at the corners. He tossed one arm over his head, fingers curled in toward his palm, and eyed Yuuri through his lashes.

Yuuri had never been so aware of the lederhosen he was wearing or the ridiculous little felt hat Christophe had sworn was traditional in parts of Switzerland as he was in the moment where Viktor’s beautiful voice rang out more clearly than the bell had. “I’m udderly enamoured with you,” Viktor said, tongue darting out to lick his lips. “Milk me like one of your Swiss cows, Yuuri!”

Yuuri’s mouth opened, closed, opened, then closed again. He stepped back, carefully closing the barn door and resting his head against it.

_What the hay?!_

“Yuuri?“ At least Viktor wasn’t _laughing_ , he reasoned as he opened the door again, stepping inside to close the door behind him. Viktor sat up, milk pail still placed with strategic modesty. His beautiful blue eyes widened as Yuuri rolled back his shirt sleeves, flashing Viktor a smile claiming confidence than he necessarily felt.

“For the record,” Yuuri said, voice dropping an octave, “You need to work on setting the _mooooo_ d.”

It was the start of a _very long,_ dubiously productive night.

**Author's Note:**

> Because neither of us could believe our eyes when we saw the newest Sanrio Collab today! Cracks up laughing forever, ilu world.
> 
> Also preemptively: I love you Lainshy, I'm sorry this is yet another cracktastic update over any of the other things I have going on! ❤


End file.
